I am back.. And I am here to stay!| mteodoraa

 Hello. It’s been a long time since my last post. And I have to admit, a lot has changed. I’ve changed. I have stopped counting the days, but I’m sure a few months have passed. So, where do I start?

First of all, I’m glad I came back. I missed you. I’ve created some kind of family with you here, reading your stories, commenting, as if we were friends. And that part of me I was missing. And I’m trying to get him back and. I am trying. This is what is most important. To work hard and never give up on ourselves and our dreams.

I know that I have brought you some hope in your life. That’s what I did. I wrote from the heart, scarred, and dyed this world with warm colors. But one day all this just stopped. I don’t remember which day it was, I must admit that nothing significant happened that day, but since then it’s all different. I used to sit and try to write many times. I watched at night on the paper, laptop, phone, but there was no word anywhere. Something stopped me. And I needed some time to figure out what it was. But now I know. That was me.

Yes, I stopped myself. I didn’t allow myself to write how I felt because my feelings were stirred. I asked for my works to be perfect, I strove for something that didn’t exist and slowed myself down. Don’t do that. You need to be supportive, friend, applause, hug, kiss in the shoulder when everything goes wrong. Who will push you, if you won’t push yourself?  I wanted to be something for which I wasn’t mentally capable. Fleeing from what I feel, I actually escaped from myself. And the time has passed. That most beautiful part of me seemed to have died, it was gone. Of course, it was better. I changed my hairstyle, fashion, I read new books, watched new series, visited new places, met new people, achieved my goals. But that part of me remained in silence and in the dark, alone. Now it’s time for me to turn on the light.

I enrolled at the college and I had been waiting for that since I was a child. I’m closer to my dream. I passed my first exams. I met new friends. I am going forward. I left my briefcases behind me and I flew freely. Now my mind is sharper, I am more aware of myself, more aware that I exist. That’s why I came back. Let me remind you that you exist, that you are alive and that there is no better or worthwhile gift than that. It’s okay if you’re wrong. It’s okay that it hurts, you want to be alone, to get away. It’s okay for you to be taken by the darkness, the long nights and some unknown paths. It’s okay to take a break. You’re not a machine. You need love and tenderness, and most of all you need to give it to yourself. So stop a bit. Life is short so you need to live in peace with yourself. Think about it. Does something hurt you? Is this the life you want to live? Is the person you love the one you want to love? Do you like this hair color? Do you love that book? Is this your favorite song? Can you do anything today that would change your life tomorrow? If you can, then go and change. And what if I say to you that you have only 24 more hours to live? What will you do?  Now go and do it. Because you may be living, not knowing, your last 24 hours, so spend it as you always wanted. No one stops you except yourself.

I’m glad to be here again. I will do my best to work on this more than before, but the recovery process is long. Thank you for all the wonderful messages you sent me. You are, however, something that dragged me forward. If you have any questions, ask me in the comments, I will be happy to answer everything because I wasn’t here for a long time. Now go and fly high, maybe this is the last 24 hours, make them unforgettable!❣

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Contact email: teodoricamanic@gmail.com

 

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